Yeah, I just made a post but, as I mentioned there, this branches off of the topic of Gay Rights but deserves it’s own post.
Now, my mother knows I’m lesbian. Practically everyone knows . . . except for my father.
October 11th was National Coming Out Day but my ex-girlfriend was coming to visit and was going as my “date” to homecoming and I was afraid that if I came out to him before homecoming, he’d say I couldn’t go or that my ex, Jessica, couldn’t go as my date because he would think we’d be up to some hinky business while out at the dance that night.
I want him to know but I really don’t know how he’d respond. My biggest fear is that he’ll put even more limitations on my social life with all my chick friends. As a Junior 16 year old with a big social personality, that would practically be the death of me, or at the very least, the death of my close friendships.
However, if I want to go to protests and other demonstrations, I have to clear them with my parents and I’m sure to get that question one of these times. The question: Are you gay?
Of course I’d answer him honestly but . . . I just worry. Things are decent between my parents and me right now. I don’t want to jeapordize that. If he becomes more controlling than before because of my orientation, it could get even more stressful for me. I have a mood disorder (undefined as of currently) and lack of social interaction can inflame a spell of depression. Along with the feeling of not being trusted at all by my father; I sometimes feel like I’m slipping into a depressing mood already with this issue. Coming out and having him constrict his hold on me socially would only make it worse for me to deal with.
And I’ve been doing well as of late, which I don’t want to lose. I haven’t even seen my therapist in probably over a month and have been doing just fine. I mean, every now and then I get upset but it never goes further than that. It’s all surface stuff.
I don’t know whether to delay telling him or just blurt it out at some random time . . . maybe I should text him? idk.
xx~Ria
